Best mustaches in sports

The other day I got to thinking about facial hair- specifically mustaches- and what sports figures have pioneered, or popularized this fashion statement over the years. So I figured I'd put together a list, albeit a list that is up for debate. Please feel free to share any thoughts you might have on the topic with us...Here are my top 5 sports figures to rock a caterpillar lip:

5. George Parros, Anaheim Ducks- Parros deserves credit for being in the limelight of modern day mustached athletes. What separates Parros from his contemporaries is his discretion. The man refused to grow his hair out during his playing days at Princeton, noting that the school had an image they liked to uphold. So at the outset of his professional career we started to see what this kid was capable of producing- some damn good facial hair. To top it off, he does it for a good cause. The Ducks sell fake staches to fans and donate proceeds to charity, and Parros routinely cuts his long, mangy hair for Locks of Love.

4. Dave Wannstedt, University of Pittsburgh football coach- Without your token mustached coach this list would not be complete. The thing I like most about Wanny is that any time his name surfaces in conversations people talk about his stache. It may be the first thing mentioned, it may be a side note, but it never escapes the conversation completely. I think this is mainly because Dave is your 'johnny average' when it comes to coaching. He hasn't done anything great, his resume is not particularly impressive, yet he finds a way to stay in the coaching profession. He's a man's man- the kind of guy you know has a part-time bartending gig waiting for him at the local Outback Steakhouse if he should choose to accept the offer after retirement. And that, my friends, is good enough for me and my list.

3. Dale Earnhardt, former stock car driver- OK, OK. It probably isn't fair to put a NASCAR driver on this list, as NASCAR could easily have its own separate mustache hall of fame, which would dominate the mustache hall for all other sports. But I'd have felt like an asshole leaving The Intimidator off my list. Dale Sr had one of those staches that prevents a man from eating certain foods- like mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, cotton candy, ice cream cones- you get the point...You have to respect these types of sacrifices he made. The bottom line is he was as determined to keep his stache as he was to win at Daytona. In fact, a case could be made that Dale Sr and Dave Wannstedt are polar opposites since Dale's mustache is often overlooked due to his successful career while Wannstedt's is at the forefront of conversations.

2. Rollie Fingers, former MLB player- Are you kidding me with that shit, Rollie? You're about to take the mound on national television and you waxed your fucking tips? That's awesome man. Fucking awesome. And it takes some stones to do it, too. People looking to dismiss it or downplay it will say "well, it was the 70's, things were different then and it was in style." And I'm here to tell you that's bullshit. Show me some examples of who else was waxing their tips in that era.

I think the true appreciation for Rollie comes when you compare him to the closers of today. Rollie's signature trait was his "curly Q" mustache. Look at the signature moves of closers since Fingers. An icy stare? A never-washed sweaty ball cap? A Metallica song? Please. Go fuck yourselves guys. And while you're at it try taking the mound with a little more pizazz next time, a little more flare. A little more Fingers.

1. Eddie Murray, former MLB player- It is tough to crown anyone number 1 in a field with so many participants, but since I am forced to make a decision I'm going with Eddie Murray. Eddie's mustaches have had it all over the years- creativity, confidence, versatility, longevity, and consistency. No matter what style stache he put out there for us to marvel at it was always with maximum effort on Eddie's part. He didn't cut corners. He'd hit you with the mutton chops combo and then be back with the Isaac from the Love Boat look. And as his career progressed and he became more successful, his overall confidence seemed to boost the quality of his staches. Even into his coaching days, he proved that he could still keep things fresh by giving us his version of the thin, neatly trimmed "management" stache. Bravo Eddie. Here's to a few more icons like you.

Honorable Mention

Here are a few of the guys whom I gave serious consideration to but did not make the list- more so because of the quality of numbers 1 through 5 than because of any shortcomings the Honorable Mentions may have had.

Jim Rice, former MLB player
Mike Ditka, former NFL player & coach
Benito Santiago, former MLB player
Rich "Goose" Gossage, former MLB player
Iron Sheik, former professional wrestler
Jack Morris, former MLB player
Von Kaiser, Mike Tyson's Punchout boxer

So there you have it. My list of the top mustaches in sports. It should be noted that I did not consider anyone pre 1970s because A) I needed to cut the list off someplace or there would simply be too many "applicants" to choose from and B) you probably don't give a shit about some leather helmet football-playing asshole's mustache.